mukund shyam

If you’ve read my About page, you would know now that writing has been something I’ve been doing for a while. I’ve almost never done it as something for myself, though; I would only write if I was told to write from school.

That changes here. Everyday, from here on out, I will try and write a bit for this blog.

I’ve been thinking of making this blog for a while. I’ve been exploring different ways of expressing myself, whether it’s music, or filmmaking, or photography or anything else. I’ve been trying to learn so many ways to express myself, and this blog finally (FINALLY) gives my the opportunity to do that.

To think of doing something is easy; actually doing it? Not so much.

I’ve been thinking of stuff to write for a couple of days now, and I only started this blog today. And this is probably the least time I took between planning and action. I find it extremely difficult to ask for things: whether that’s making a YouTube channel (something I’ve wanted to do for a long time) or asking for a laptop or something else. There’s always been a nagging fear in the back of my head, saying that there’s no point in asking for things.

I am not old and experienced and wise or anything, but I am old enough to know that the worst that could happen is being said “no” to. But I don’t know, I’m pretty sure my conscience knows that too, yet I seem to act like I’m going to die. Maybe its the fight or flight in me, and flight almost always wins.

Everyone who knows me personally knows that I’m always on the hunt to find some creative form of expression, each more wild than the next. But I’m pretty certain that what most people who know me personally don’t know is that I am a very reluctant person. I make stuff, but that stuff just sits on my hard drive.

I have taken hundreds of photos, but I am not on Instagram. I’ve made quite a few short films and videos, but none of them are on YouTube. I’ve made music, but none of it is on Soundcloud or Spotify.

You might think that its because I don’t think I’m good enough, and i think that’s partially true, but I think I’m more or less beyond that phase. I’m a student, so I need permission to put stuff out there. It’s not that I was refused, I just never asked.

I was talking to my mom, just the other day, about writing; and I realised something: impulse is sometimes good.

You have to be impulsive to put yourself out there. I didn’t even think about making a blog for as long as I thought about making a YouTube channel. This blog is created from an impulse.

If you keep pondering over whether a decision is right or wrong, you will never be satisfied with it. Impulse is an extremely scary and dangerous part of the human psyche, but I’d argue that it is also one of the (if not the) most powerful and influential part. Impulse drives creativity.

Most of these I should tell myself, as I’m never impulsive. Impulse never comes naturally to me, and I always ponder and ponder before doing something. Maybe this will be the thing that (finally) puts me out there.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” - Michael Jordan

Thinking about getting started is easy.

The hardest part of it is to hit that publish button, that upload button, that go live button.

Thanks for reading.